If you're a baby-boomer—someone born between '46 and '64—with aging parents, there's a high probability that you are, or soon will become, a caregiver to your parents.  If you're a woman, the odds of becoming a caregiver to an aging parent increases even further.

According to a USA Today/ABC News/Gallup poll, 41% of baby boomers who have a living parent are already involved in providing some level of care—personal, financial, or otherwise. Many more boomers (37%), expect to become significant caregivers in the near future. That number would be even higher except for the fact that brothers typically expect sisters to be parental caregivers. Women are overwhelmingly involved in caring for elderly relatives. The National Alliance for Caregiving and the AARP estimate that 61% of parental caregivers are women.

Caring for an aging parent presents an assortment of issues: some positive, some negative. On the positive side, it's a good feeling to be able to help one's parents. On the negative side, the demands can be overwhelming. Furthermore, the burdens often fall disproprotionately to one person—the daughter, or the child who lives closest. This can greatly effect the caregiver's lifestyle and financial situation. Thus it can also be a source of resentment and family conflict.

As people age, physical changes occur. Our joints get a little stiffer. Our muscles get a little weaker. Our heart and lungs may tire faster.” It now becomes tougher to get around; tougher to cut the grass; tougher to do the laundry, tougher to prepare meals, etc. Emotional changes also occur as people age. We are often less motivated to do things; less attentive to grooming and other details; and more withdrawn from social interaction. Children who become caregivers may not fully understand these changes, or how to deal with them effectively. Caring for an aging parent can thus thus be difficult. If a caregiver additionally has child-rearing, work, or other responsibilities, it can be highly stressful. That's why Adult Day Care is such a great service.

Professionals—doctors, nurses, social workers, psychologists, etc--all agree that Adult Day Care can be beneficial for both a parent and a caregiver. The issue in many cases isn't whether adult day care is a good idea, it's getting an older person into a program. Often a parent will insist that they don't need help—when in fact they do. Or, that they're not a danger to themselves or anyone else—when in fact they are.

Our advice is as follows:

• Have "the talk." Discuss with your parents what kind of care they expect to have as they get older. In this regard, don't be surprised if the conversation involves finances as much any other topic.

One good way to start this conversation is to actually reference your own financial and retirement plans. You might say something like: "Say, Mom/Dad, I was looking over some of my insurance and other investments the other day. I started to wonder about what kind of plan you've done.”

Another idea is to have a family conference. This approach can get all the siblings involved and forge a general agreement about what's being planned for mon or dad. If you like the idea of a family conference don't put it off. A stroke, a heart attack, or an accident can happen at any time. After a crisis, it may be too late to plan.

Gail Hunt of the National Alliance for Caregiving also has the following planning advice. Don't categorically rule out the possibility of a nursing home. Sometimes, a parent may need more care than any child can offer. In that situation a nursing home may be the only option. Hunt says promise only that you'll seek the best possible care you can.

• Set up an emergency fund.  It's good planning to have an emergency fund. The fund can smooth over rough spots in the event something happens, and mom or day need quick attention. If children live out-of-town, an emergency fund might be used for a last-minute flight, hotel, or rental car.

• Do the paperwork. Good planning for an aging parent can include authority to make financial and medical decisions on their behalf. Two documents that you can be extremely important in the event of an emergency are a durable power of attorney for finances and a power of attorney for health care. Talk with a lawyer about these documents.

For more planning tips, contact the Catholic Youth Association of Pittsburgh (CYA) at 412-621-3342. CYA not only provides Adult Day Care services, it also a free legal clinic.